Theme Week Seven

No matter where I have traveled or where I have visited I have heard the term “redneck.” In the dictionary “redneck” is a despairing term for a member of the white rural laboring class, in the southern states. Living in Maine my entire life I have learned that a redneck is not just found in the southern states. I have found that at least a third of the human population in Maine is “rednecks.” I am of course being modest about the state I grew up in: Maine may actually be two thirds human population of rednecks. I have learned that there are three factors when determining if someone from Maine is a redneck.
First of all I can pick a redneck out of a crowd by listening to how he talks or the terms he may use in conversation. For some reason a Maine redneck forgets to pronounce the er, ar, and or at the end of some common words. Instead a Maine redneck will replace the ending of a word with ah or just add ah onto the end of a word. For instance the word car usually sounds like cah and the word yes usually comes out to sound like yesah. My father uses the term yesah on a daily basis in place of the word yes. A Maine redneck also has a different kind of accent. This accent is sometimes referred to as the Downeast accent. The Downeast accent from a Maine redneck is used by lengthening the vowel sounds of a word. Such words as camp may sound like caaamp. My uncle uses the word alright and it sounds like iight. The last way I can pick out a Maine redneck is by listening to some of the words he uses and the content the word is used for. I will never hear my father say that he was driving fast, instead I will hear him say that he was “boookin it”. My Uncle Steve always uses the term um yup, but it sounds like iiuut. The word wicked is used to describe almost anything in Maine. A younger Maine redneck may use it like “wicked cool” where as an older Maine redneck may use it like “Wicked nice.” In basic training I was picked on by many drill sergeants about the over use of the word wicked. When I had my first child my grandfather’s first statement was “he’s wicked cunnin.” My grandmother’s first statement was “he’s wicked smaaaht.”
Second of all Not only does a Maine redneck have a unique way of speaking but he also has a unique way of living. Anyone who has driven through Maine can agree that a Maine redneck is not the most elegant decorator. I usually see at least one broken down car in the yard of a Maine redneck. Even though the car has not run in five years, it still sits in the yard waiting to be fixed. Sometimes the car is also used as a stand for holiday decorations or even parts from another car. The holiday decorations are up all year round and a redneck will have Christmas lights on in the middle of June. I will see the dog staked out in the middle of the lawn. The dog, usually a beagle or another kind of hunting dog, has made a complete circle in the brownish grass from testing the boundaries of his chain. A Maine redneck never seems to finish what they start. A large majority of Maine rednecks homes are only half done. The siding is only on three sides of the house, usually leaving just the tar paper visible. This is where I believe the term “tar paper shack” comes from. The porch never got railings added; instead there are boxes and junk all over the porch creating just a path to the front door. The windows are missing the trim so I can see all the insulation around the edges of the window. The insulation is usually covered in the blackish colored mold that would make any normal person sick for weeks. The mold has built up so much that if anyone ever wanted to finish the trim around the windows they would have to reinstall a brand new window. The last thing I have seen at a Maine rednecks home is that in the summer the grass can sometimes get to be two feet high before it gets mowed. My dad always says he let the grass get so high to hide the broken down car he forgot to fix. The grass also hides the many lawn ornaments. The lawn ornaments have been out so long they are faded to the point that I can’t tell what they are anymore. My grandmother has the black bear ornament that looks like it is climbing the tree. Although after about thirteen years the bear has become a disgustingly brownish gray and has some sort of moss growing all over it. My grandmother also has a wooden light house that my grandfather painted to match the color of the house they live in. The light house was put on the lawn in the 1970’s and is only pieces of rotted wood that now forms the shape of a volcano rather than a lighthouse.
Last of all a Maine redneck is not only noticed by his decorating but also by the clothing that he wears. First I can spot a Maine redneck at any time of the year wearing nothing but hunting camouflage. I was once told that there is a huge difference between regular camouflage and hunting camouflage. During hunting season a Maine redneck wears the hunting camouflage but it usually has some blood on it from his last kill. He will always be wearing a hat, and if it is not camouflage it has either a beer logo or a NASCAR logo on it. He won’t cut his hair in the winter because it keeps his head warm while he is out hunting. A Maine redneck will wear a brand new pair of Carhardt trousers that he got from Christmas a few weeks earlier. But for some reason the trousers will never completely cover his ass. He will bend over to pick something up and show the world what his hairy ass looks like. I usually refer to this as plumbers crack. In my house it is also referred to as the Soper crack because my fiancé and all the men in is family show their ass on a daily basis. By the third wear of those same pair of trousers, there is grease stains down the front of them, usually a hole in the seem on the rear, and the bottom of the pant legs are all worn off form scuffing them across the ground when he walks. A Maine redneck will wear a pair of work clothes for at least three days before he throws them in the dirty laundry hamper. As far as shirts go, a Maine redneck has only three types of shirts in his closet. The t-shirt, that is worn out, which contains NASCAR, beer, or hunting logos on it. These shirts make the best night shirts for the rednecks significant other. The button up shirt that is for dressing nice, but it is always camouflage. And the ripped up work flannel that is plaid and has been passed down through generations of redneck men. My fiancé has three of the generation shirts that I tried to throw away until my life was threatened. It seems a Maine rednecks shirt is almost as important as the size of the deer he shoots each hunting season.
I personally live with a Maine redneck and I am raising a Maine redneck in training. To me a Maine wouldn’t be the wonderful place it is if we didn’t have the Maine rednecks. I think even tourists visit just to see Bah Hahbah and its Maine rednecks. So the next time you need to determine whether someone is a Maine redneck just remember the three major factors I have discussed. The speech and vocabulary, the way of living and decorating, and the choice of clothing and wearing of clothing.